女 人 要 有 錢

女 人 要 有 錢

Being a woman, you would be better off having a great fortune! For me, just one fifty-cent coin means a brand new and richer life! This is the story of "My Breakfast and One Fifty- Cent Coin".....

I attended my primary one schooling in a rural primary school during the late fifties. My parents raised chickens and they were just too busy during the morning when I had to attend school. They were unable to prepare breakfast for me. They usually gave me one fifty-cent coin each week for me to buy my own breakfast. At that time I could have one bowl of congee for only five cents and one pair of fried sticks for another five cents. In other word, I just had to spend ten cents for my breakfast daily. So, one fifty-cent coin was meant for my whole week's breakfast.

One day at school during a break session, I heard a girl crying over her lost fifty-cent coin. Without a second thought, I took out the one from my pocket and gave it to the girl, telling her that I had just picked it up from the ground and stressed that it got to be hers. She took it from me quickly and stopped her crying. I was very happy to see that she laughed. In fact, I did not know her and we were not in the same class. She then invited me to her home after school. I thanked her and promised to go. On my arrival to her house, I learned that her mother worked there and the family stayed there too. It was a great place. There were swings that I enjoyed very much. I spent a great afternoon. I left without even exchanging our names. We were just too small for social techniques. We did not even meet again in school. The next school term I changed to another primary school because my family moved. It appeared that it put an end to my "breakfast and fifty-cent" story.

Years have gone by. I have become a woman from a girl. I have changed quite a lot, not turned bad though. I still have my same dreams. I have still stayed as naive as I have been. May be I still tell lies as I started from the very early of my age. However I have never lied to hurt others. I still put others ahead of myself. I still choose to sacrifice what I want or need for someone else. I always belive that I can be labeled "good guy". I always believe that bad luck will never come my way as long as I stay being good. I always believe that one will reap what one has sown.

Then all of a sudden, my whole world seemed to come tumbling down. All my beliefs have been shattered. I was shocked and stunned. I just did not know what had gone wrong. All of a sudden I no longer knew what to believe. The betrayal of my husband against me took me by great surprises.

First I started to scrutinize myself to see if there was anything I have done not enough for him. When I found that the answer should be "no", I started to think that maybe I have not been good enough so bad luck has come my way. I kept on thinking what have I done to deserve it. Yet, I do not have an answer. I have been so resentful. I got trapped. I got stuck. I could go nowhere. I was filled with grief, anger, uncertainty and questions. I was totally at a lost. I could not eat. I could not sleep. Oh! Those days were terrible!

Yet, my self-defense still worked. I pretended that nothing has changed. I still worked as usual. Nobody noticed how depressive I have become inside. I denied that fact. When in front of others, I even laughed more than that I used to.

I just knew it too well that would mean an end to my life. Yet I just could not get myself out of it. The pain lingered on. The wound just would not heal. It was destructive and could mean fatality. Still there was no exit for me. It was then I understood just too real the saying in Chinese that "to eat without knowing the taste". My sense told me that I needed to eat; otherwise all would be finished. Those days were just like living in hell. I knew that I had to get out from it, but there were just no open doors out there. I tried and tried but of no avail. I just got hooked up. I would tell what was right from wrong. However, it is too easy to say than to act. I failed to pull myself completely out from this dead end.

One day, I spotted a fifty-cent coin on the pavement and I picked it up. It was at that moment I suddenly resurrect "my breakfast and fifty-cent" story. It just sparked off leading me to think sure that I was a "good guy" and what has come my way was in fact meant to be good. It was just at that very moment I felt released. I no longer carry that bag of garbage. What I used to believe in has been back in my belief. My faith in life is back. The grief is over. My days are back.

It seems just strange and hard to think what took place in the late fifties would have helped me out a lot in the late nineties, almost forty years later. I think it is until that moment my "breakfast and fifty-cent" story will come to an end and I will live happily ever after.

( 2004-06-30 )

中視電視劇《女人要有錢》潘美辰客串兩集。
時裝劇集，卻沒有看到她這古裝造型！
親 愛 的 王 子！ 教 我 如 何 不 想 你！

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